The 4 Addictions That Destroy Your Dreams (They're Not What You Think)

In the midst of the economic meltdown ... with chaos and hardship everywhere, my business is growing, I'm happily married 17 years and counting, I'm connected with my two boys, I have a terrific social life, I'm physically fit and most important ... I'm happy! Is it possible during these challenging times to be this way?

I say yes!

Look, I have been to the lowest point in my life -- waking up in the gutter, wasted on drugs with no hope of ever changing my life. If I can turn my life around, so can you.

Today, as a success coach, I think of myself as a life strategist in a business world. I travel from city to city giving lectures and conducting seminars that help change people's lives. Guiding people toward greater success in their chosen field, while simultaneously enabling them to achieve a better balance across all the key areas of their lives -- that's what I do.

How is this type of turnaround possible?

I simply decided a long time ago to stop living by default and start to live By Design!

Now, what if I told you I could help you achieve the same results in your own life -- show you how to navigate the rough water we're all treading these days by creating a plan to not only survive but actually thrive in these difficult times?

As of July 2008, there were more than 123,000,000 Americans who were either struggling or suffering, in great part but not entirely due to the economic crisis. As things progressively get worse, that number continues to skyrocket, eclipsing the number of thriving Americans month after month.

Are you one of them?

To fully understand what holds us back from living to our fullest potential, you have to recognize that most people live life by default. What I mean by this is they fail to decide how they want their lives to be or have an unwillingness to do whatever it takes to make that happen, and simply accept things as they are. They believe they have no say or power to affect their course. But the bottom line about living by default, in my view, is that it represents choosing to be a victim!

Most people are living in what I refer to as an active coma. They're alive, functioning, but appear to be plugged into an imaginary life support, hoping someday when they wake up everything will be okay. Think about it; they've become victims of the circumstances of the world and they're doing little to nothing about it! They're suffering with the economy, the housing crises, politics, their finances or lack thereof, their relationships, their health and their emotional well-being, just to name a few. And they're stuck, concerned, worried and afraid to act! They're afraid to change, afraid to try a new approach; they're in a coma!

Why is it that some people live their lives full of love, abundance and purpose, what I would call a rich and full life, while others live in a state of fear, lack and indecision? It is because most of the world sees themselves as victims. They're always suffering. Now more than ever, adversity is destined to be on your path. Are you worried about losing your job, home, marriage, health or money? The question isn't how did you get here, but what will you do now?

When you realize that you've been living your life by default, you will become consciously aware that you are responsible for your choices. With 20 years and nearly 30,000 hours of success coaching behind me, I have learned that most people get comfortable suffering and accept things as they are too quickly, rather than choosing to change or try something new!

Aristotle said the formula for happiness and success is to "first, have a definite, clear, practical idea, goal or objective. Second, attain it by whatever means available, whether wisdom, money, materials, or methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end."

All success is predicated on finding what you are passionate about and then becoming relentless in your pursuit of every possibility so you will achieve your dreams.

When I was making some difficult decisions to change things up in my own life several years ago, my mentor and friend Mike Vance asked me five thought-provoking and life-altering questions to help me envision and then plan out the path I should take.

1. Why are you here -- what's your purpose?

2. How do you want to show up for others -- what are your values?

3. What are your God-given talents?

4. Five years from now, how is the world experiencing you?

5. Who would you already be if you were already there?

None of these questions was easy to answer, but they all got me thinking ... hard. It was as if a door had been opened that I never even knew existed. If I could identify these answers, anything was possible. All I had to do was figure out my next step. If I could do that, I could stop living by default and would discover the keys to creating a life, By Design.

The people living By Design live by a different set of rules. They know an upset is just an upset, their problems are assets and the past is where it belongs -- somewhere behind them. They aren't victims; they're victors, heroes if you will, because they are willing to jump through hoops to live the life they dream of. I've met people who don't have two nickels to rub together, as well as extremely successful business people that fall into this category. Living By Design isn't about how much money you have. It's a frame of mind that positively impacts every core area of your life. It isn't easy, but living By Design is hugely rewarding, and that my friend, is our goal.

The Four Addictions

I've discovered four addictions we all have that destroy more dreams, more hopes and more lives than alcohol, drugs, food, gambling or sex combined. When I refer to addictions, I am not focused on any of these. To me, those are habitual symptoms or effects brought on by four much larger causes that are the root cause of those symptoms.

They are:

1) The Addiction to opinions of other people. As a society, we're addicted to what others think about us and how others' views of the world affect us.

2) The Addiction to drama. Some people are drawn to and consumed by any event or situation that occupies their thoughts and fills their mind with negativity, which often brings attention to them in unproductive ways.

3) The Addiction to the past. These people have an unhealthy attachment to events or situations that have occurred in the past. They're stuck in how things used to be.

4) The Addiction to worry. This addiction is comprised of all the negative and self-defeating thoughts that make us anxious, disturbed, upset and stressed, that hold us back in life.